While it might be "summer" technically speaking by college student standards, I can't help wanting to curl up on the couch under a blanket and read all day. Is this my inner bookworm emerging, or is my desire to hide my face in a book an act of denial? I am starting to realize that my world is going to change very drastically in the next year, but I feel like there is so much in the past year that I am trying to wrap my head around.
Here are some of the highlights:
1. I finally traveled out of the country! And fell in love with England. These are really my people. I have never felt more at home in a foreign place, and London quickly became one of my favorite places that I've ever been. How could it not? There is something eye-catching around every corner, and I got to feel some sense of independence, exploring on my own and facing my fears of the unknown. I can't wait to get back there (soon! if things go as planned…)
2. Met some of the greatest people who became something like family. People always use that silly phrase, "home is where the heart is", and not to sound cliché, but there could not be a truer statement about my flatmates. Each and every one of them was so kind and welcoming to my anxiety-ridden, crazy American being, and I cannot imagine my abroad experience without them. I got to be a mom and friend to all of them, and they saw me through some trying times-I am ever so grateful for their love and support.
3. I am not going to name names, but I found someone who really changed me and they way that I look at life, and especially my future. This person challenged me to be a better person, take chances, and not let my fears to slow me down. I am more confident and secure in who I am because of this person and our friendship, and even though we are thousands of miles apart, it hasn't wasted away. I hope it stays that way.
4. I found love in a hopeless place- quoting my girl Rihanna, of course. Again, I am not going to name names, but sometimes we just meet someone and we feel this instant connection. And then comes this weird tingly feeling that something is going to happen. And you are so nervous sometimes you can't think straight, and find yourself gazing at that person and can't help but smiling. 3,500 miles might be a long ways away, especially when there is an ocean involved, but when it comes to love and who you are supposed to be with, distance should never be a concern. At least that is my take on love.
5. I found leadership, love and support in my sorority. If you had asked me at the beginning of college if I wanted to be a sorority girl, the answer would have been an immediate no WAY. But, sometimes you've got to go out of your comfort zone and try something new, and that is how I found my Theta sisters. And now I am the CEO of our amazing organization, my first term complete, and great plans for the fall in place. Being CEO has been one of the best challenges of my life so far: everyday there is a new project, new conflict, new success; but in the end, every sigh of frustration is so worth it, because I am shaping the future of not only the organization, but of its leaders, by way of my own example. It sounds cheesy, but it is honestly such a great honor to be the representative of this amazing organization that has shaped me in innumerable ways.
6. I developed a new passion for writing (again). Clearly I have always loved to write-I have kept a diary or journal for as long as I can remember (had to record that elementary school drama somehow!), but somewhere in my transition to college, I lost that zest for my written word. Thank goodness I have found it again, because I have become so dependent on writing as my outlet for everything that I am feeling: my deepest thoughts, struggles, hopes and dreams for my future. Things that I wouldn't dream of sharing with other people are recorded in my journal, and inspire me to keep trying, no matter the challenges that seem to always find me. That is why I decided to start blogging again: in the hopes that my written word will somehow help to guide or inspire others to pursue what they love and aspire to be. I know that I want to be a writer, so I need to start somewhere-even if that is just by reflecting upon the daily events of my simple life.
7. I have become more adventurous. Facing my fears is one of my biggest hardships that I face on a daily basis, and it is so hard for me to push past the negative thoughts in my mind sometimes. But, I have realized over the past year that if I don't step out of my comfort zone, I will never find what I am truly passionate about. If I had succumbed to my anxiety, I never would have gone to England and made all of the memories and friendships that I treasure so deeply now. I never would have seen Paris. Or Scotland. Or the strange land that is Amsterdam. Or the beautiful structures of Munich, and the horrible history at Dachau. I never would have applied for so many internships to kick-start my future. I never would have found inspiration for my thesis, or developed my keen observation skills. I wouldn't have been able to experience the serenity of running through an empty field, alone with my thoughts in a foreign land. I wouldn't have grown impossibly close with my best friends through our experiences of the past year. And I would be afraid to ask questions. I used to be the mute in the classroom-you know, that one person that you often forget about because he or she never speaks? A year ago that was me. While I am still reserved in my comments, I am more thoughtful and far more likely to join a discussion, inside or outside the classroom.
8. I have learned to take a leap of faith, and not care so much what other people think. The judgments of others should not determine the choices I make in my own life, and I have realized that I need to do things that excite me, pursue things that I am passionate about, and step outside the "normal" crowd of beings. I have become more independent and reliable on myself to figure things out rather than depending on others. And that alone is something to be proud of.
So, as I look around the nook at all of my bags and boxes of college supplies, I can't help but think about the future. Where will these boxes be a year from now? A different country? A place to call my own? The very same basement of my parent's home? That is to be determined, so I am letting my passions guide me from here.
xx
